Naked Hobo

You know what, I am not going to be nice here.  Being nice with this stuff just leads them to make more of this stuff.  The entire film was a giant slap to the face, a huge insult to my intelligence, and as Helena put it, to creativity in general.  I am getting so sick of films being dumbed down for the general masses that want to substitute glitz for content.

Everything about this film was so over the top and hokey.  Okay, if you haven’t seen it, here come the spoilers.  Maybe I just can’t disconnect my brain like I used to, but so much bothered me in this film.  Let’s start with the beginning and the seemingly common thread in Hollywood pics that important US installations are guarded by about 4 guys.  Oh yeah, that was explained.  The base was closed for weapons testing so we will leave the warehouse that contains all of our nations secrets unguarded.  Then there is the whole surviving an atomic blast that tears homes and cars apart,  but simply launches the refrigerator through the air so Indy can stumble out, unharmed.  Oh yeah, they explained that.  They made sure to show that the refrigerator was lead lined, so of course it is atomic bomb proof.  The magnetic properties of the crate are so strong that it will suck gunpowder through the air from across the room and pull crowbars out of a guys hands, but it doesn’t stick at all to the back of the truck.  KGB agents are seemingly everywhere.  Maybe Joseph McCarthy was right after all.  I could keep going, the chase scene in the jungle and how smooth the jungle floor was, the giant ants carrying an entire human body into their hole, driving a car off a cliff, onto a tree, and then into the river, going over 3, yes 3, huge waterfalls.

A friend of mine made another interesting point.  The film was too clean, to sharp and crisp.  There was always this kind of grittiness to the first three.  This was just a glitzing CG filled crapfest.  It felt nothing like any of the original Indy movies.  Twenty years and this was the best they could come up with.  I am not gonna say that my childhood is ruined or anything like that.  I will say that this film tarnishes the legend of Indiana Jones.  You had a great trilogy, okay, two great movies with a so-so one stuck in the middle.  Now you have this horrendous bookend that really doesn’t seem to fit.

The only thing that really worked well was the chemistry again between Indy and Marion.  The whole story of, look, he’s your son.  Well duh!  Indy says at the end that grandpa would be laughing.  Kinda right.  I think Sean Connery is laughing, because he was smart enough to stay away from this movie.  I don’t care if it was Indiana Jones.  That doesn’t mean that it is automatically good.  In fact, just the opposite.  Because of the previous three movies this should be held to a higher standard.  It fell far short of that.  It fell far short of what I expected it to be, an okay movie that would at least be fun.  It was boring, hokey, and ridiculous to the point of abject stupidity.  If this had been any other film I would have probably walked out and given it maybe 1 axe.  But, seeing as it was a fourth, and God please let it be final, installment to a classic series it gets even less than that from me.  Marion and Indy are the only reason this gets anything 1/2 axes.

This movie starts off with a plus and a minus.  The plus, Jamie Foxx, I like him, I think he is a very talented actor.  Minus, Tom “I am a crazy Scientologist nut job wacko creepshow factory and look at my former great career as a major box office draw come crashing down as everyone that knows me that isn’t also a crazy Scientologist nut job wacko creepshow factory puts as much distance between me and them as they can as quickly as they can” Cruise.

Okay, Cruise wasn’t terrible in this.  He plays kind of an ass, so that much wasn’t really acting, was it.  Foxx plays a cabbie that gets sucked into a darker world.  I think he played it quite well.  A few side characters, but no one of any significance, Jada Smith (on her way to joining Mr. Cruise on his insanity laden boat ride to the looney bin), has a small role and doesn’t do much more than look pretty.  Not saying she can’t act, she just doesn’t have much to do.  By the way, I don’t think she can act all that well.

The movie started a bit slow, developing Foxx’s character.  However, once the action starts, it doesn’t really stop.  There are lulls here and there, but it isn’t enough to derail the action train that rumbles through the film.  I do have some nit picky bits, but I won’t bother going into them as they don’t really detract from the film.  I don’t think it was as good as some people told me it was, but I still enjoyed it, 3 1/2 axes.

Not as good as the first one in some ways, better in other ways.  It was a bit too long in some parts, but it was less kiddy friendly than “Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”.    If you really need a plot summary, go read it yourself at IMDB.com.

Prince Caspian himself is a whiny little wiener.  Peter is an arrogant jerk.  The teen angst thing is a bit much at times.  Still, I think they did a fair job of telling the same story as the book.  The final battle scene, while pretty and visually wonderfully was a bit lame for me.  Some things were cool, but the accuracy of the seige engines bothered me, as well as the speed they were firing.  Things were often too predictable too.  Before anything happened I knew what was going to happen.  Also, while this one is a bit more adult than the last one there were still those bits that were put in just for children and it kind of detracted from the overall film, as such 3 axes is the best this deserves, not bad, but not great.

So when I first heard about this movie I was all like..Holy crap, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, kung fu, should be the best film ever.  Then I heard that there was a kid in it…dangit all anyways, now it is gonna suck.  Well, it didn’t suck, but it also was not the best film ever.  It was okay, and mainly because it had a lot of action.  The story was really kinda lame.  Here is what it says on IMDB.

An American teenager who is obsessed with Hong Kong cinema and kung-fu classics makes an extraordinary discovery in a Chinatown pawnshop: the legendary stick weapon of the Chinese sage and warrior, the Monkey King. With the lost relic in hand, the teenager unexpectedly finds himself traveling back to ancient China to join a crew of warriors from martial arts lore on a dangerous quest to free the imprisoned Monkey King.

So we got a know it all kid that is gonna save the world.  Whoopee.  At least we have Jet Li and Jackie Chan to do lots of coll fighty type things.  We also get the obligatory hot Asian chick too.  The less talking they do in this movie the better, because it is all about the fighting.  That is really the only enjoyable thing about the movie.  It had this overall feel of being kinda rushed.  The cuts between scenes were so abrupt that it looked like a home movie at times.  Still, lots of fighting, so it was alright 2 1/2 axes.

The last movie I watched…it must have been so good, or so terrible that I cannot remember what it was.  Oh wait…here it comes.

Truly I do not know where to begin with this one.  I had thought that the weirdest movie I ever did see was “Welcome to Woop Woop.”  I was right until last night.  Leave it up to the folks from down under to out do themselves.  The movie starts off very uncomfortably and it just spirals further and further from there.  it has a lot of things that may offend some folks out there, incest, violence, lots of cursing, sex, and just a level of inappropraiteness that borders on the unbearbale.  Still, it was captivating.  I didn’t want to see what was going on at times, yet I could not tear myself away.  It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion, replete with body parts being strewn about.  You shouldn’t watch, yet you must.

Here is a synopsis, courtesy as always IMDB.com

Bad Boy Bubby is just that: a bad boy. So bad, in fact, that his mother has kept him locked in their house for his entire thirty years, convincing him that the air outside is poisonous. After a visit from his estranged father, circumstances force Bubby into the waiting world, a place which is just as unusual to him as he is to the world.

Yeah, that gives the basic gist of it, but it really doesn’t describe how depraved the whole movie feels.  The movie though is genius at times.  They way you can see Bubby begin to grow and change when, the people he meets, it is incredibly well done.  Though disturbing to many, this is not a family flick, it is oddly enjoyable and I see why it is considered a cult classic by many, 3 1/2 axes.

Check out the link too, now anytime I mention IMDB, you can click on it and go right to the movie page in question.  I love Wordpress so much more than that old prgram I used.  of course if you are on myspace, too bad, I don’t care enough about the blog there to add the links as I just cut and paste them from here.

There are so many untapped ideas, or ideas that have been tapped and can be tapped again. Like this one.

Kill Droid

How cool an idea is that? Asian cinema has come a long way in the last few years. There have always been some good flicks, but lately there is a rise in not only great ideas and story concepts, but the quality to back it up. Of course this movie also has the tremendous potential to suck ass in a major way too.