Naked Hobo

A young autistic girl seeks money for her ailing mother and is using her keen martial arts skills to get what is owed to her family.  What the young girl and her dopey friend don’t realize is that her mother has a very shady past and their actions are stirring up a lot of trouble.

Okay.  What do you want?  You can only pick one, and one of these two is not going to be this movie.  A strong story with riveting characters or amazing martial arts choreography.  Remember, when it comes to this film, you can only have one.  I’ll give you a hint, the movie is about a martial artist autistic girl.  Very good, you chose amazing martial arts choreography.  Perhaps if the autistic girl was played by Sean Penn then we could have both.

I didn’t expect a great story with this, so that didn’t really disappoint me.  And the story isn’t exactly bad either, it is just a little too simple.  It also took a bit too long for the film to get to the amazing martial arts bits.  I can only watch a chubby kid throw balls at an autistic girl for so long before I grow bored, I know, my tastes run too eccentric.  However, once the fists and feet start flying is it amazing.  The dance that goes on in every fight, for that is what it is, a masterful dance, is something to behold.  Watching this little girl go pretty much ape shit all over these big thugs is fun and enjoyable.  Is it believable?  Well, not really, but I don’t put too much in that bucket when watching martial arts films.  The lead moves so gracefully and without flaw that it is so much fun to watch.  The fights don’t grow stale because it isn’t a constant repetition of the same two or three moves.  You can see where much of the influence comes from, there are scenes of the girl watching clips from Tony Jaa movies.  Though I wish it would have gotten off to a quicker start, I still enjoyed this movie, not the best I have seen, but overall pretty good, 3 1/2 Axes.

When former masked superhero the Comedian is murdered, vigilante Rorschach looks into it and begins to unravel a sinister plot.  Set in an alternate 1985 the world is on the brink of disaster as the US and Russia flex their nuclear muscles.  Masked vigilantes have been outlawed by the government and things look rather bleak.  Most of the former superheroes have retired, but eventually they come to realize that they are still needed to watch over mankind, but as the tag line states, “Who watches the Watchmen?”

I will start by sayig that yes, I am a big fan of the original comic.  I will also mention that I purposely did not go back and read the comic again whe I heard this film was being made.  I wanted my mind to be as fresh as possible, I didn’t want to spend the entire film comparing it to the comic.  I wanted to digest the film, see what I liked and disliked about it, and then compare it to the comic.  Sure a few things got changed, sure some things got left out, that is always to be expected when you take a written story and convert it to film.  I don’t think anything that was left out hurt the story, nor do I feel that the changes detracted from the overall story either.  Spoilers ahead so be aware.  My friend Randy and I talked about the ending being different than the book.  It became a wide consensus between us as well as some other folks that the giant squid would have probably looked pretty stupid on a movie screen in today’s day and age.  It may have worked when the story was originally written, but I don’t think it stands the test of time well enough to work.  Was the chage to blaming Dr. Manhattan instead of some fictional aliens the best route, I don’t know, but it does work, it still achieves the same end result.  The world unites to fight this new threat, thus removing the strain of nuclear war.  Though in truth, how long do you think such a truce would really last?   As for things left out, okay the Pirate story wouldn’t have really worked and would have only confused most mainstream audiences.  I agree with some others though that if you take out the newstand parts you can’t throw it back in at the end.  The way they make it seem like the paper is going to publish Rorschach’s journal bugged me a lot, it gets thrown away, so even in death Rorschach still fails at what he wanted to accomplish.

Let’s talk about casting.  I have no complaints with anyone.  However, Jackie Earle Haley is a little slice of brilliance.  He steals the show and he pulls off the gravelly voiced vigilante so much better than Christian Bale does.  Haley was Rorschach.  I loved every moment he was on screen.  Billy Crudup, Carla Gugino, Matthew Goode, they were all fine in their roles.  I did like Jeffrey dean Morgan as the Comedian though, he seemed to fit quite well with the role.

I think the opening credits sequence is just about the coolest opening I have ever seen in a film.  The style was amazing, and it accomplished a lot with conveying much of the backstory.  Visually this was a fantastic movie.  I could see a lot of the same style from “300″.  I thought the fight scenes were great, brutal, and bloody.  I am not going to rant like some people about the aparent abundance of blue penis, get over it people, it doesn’t ruin the movie and it won’t turn you gay.  The direction was done superbly, the look of everything, from the customing, to the city itself, all done wonderfully.

I have heard some complaints too about some scenes that made the movie hard for some to watch, the rape scene, the little girl’s leg, the killing of the dogs.  That last one I find amazing, people that can watch Rorschach kill other people but as soon as he kills a dog it goes too far.  Another complaint for some is the music.  It didn’t really bother me all that much.  Even looking back I can’t remember when the choice of music made me cringe or evenn think that it was out of place, well, except for the end credits which have to be the loudest credits ever.

I really want to see this movie one more time before I go back and read the comic.  I think a second viewing will help me solidify some of my opinions, maybe change some too.  I will pay closer attention to the music and see if it throws things off for me as it did some others.  I went into this movie with high hopes but low expectations.  My hopes were not only met, but exceeded, so far one of the best comic adaptations I have seen, 4 1/2 Axes.

Prince Nuada wishes for his people to reclaim their place on the surface world and threatens the pact between the humans and the creatures of the faerie world.  He wants to reawaken the Golden Army, an indestructible force to wipe mankind out completely.  Hellboy and the his pals from the BPRD must save the day once more.

I am a huge of Guillermo del Toro’s directorial style.  I think he has such a uique vision, and I think his interpretation of Hellboy is almost exactly as I picture things in my head.  This is such a visually pleasing film in so many ways for me.  The way that many of these mythic creatures come to life, the images of the Troll Market, these are the things I want to see in a movie.  With my affinity for the realms of Faerie I really enjoy it when someone else “gets it right”.  Maybe it doesn’t fit with some other folk’s idea of what Hellboy should be, but it works for me.  Even some of the mannerisms of some of the denizens of this other world.  I especially liked the representation of Prince Nuada and his sister Princess Nuala.  While not fitting the traditional idea of the Faye, I think they really showed the other wordly beauty of the other folk.

Ron Perlman is Hellboy.  It seems to be a role he was made to play.  Like made in a lab.  All the real life Perlman is missing are the horn stubs, I think there is very little make up work done for his transformation in the pesky demon man.  Plus, I can’t complain about Selma Blair.  I think she is smokin’ hot.  Ha, see what I did there, smokin’ hot, she controls fire…um…yeah, I entertain myself that easily.  I was also glad to see them bring in Johann.  He is one of my favorite characters from the BPRD series.   Truth be told, they are all my favorites.  Abe, everything down to his voice just seemed to fit for me.

I think this film also captures a bit more of the personality of Hellboy as a character.  I want to hear him crackin’ wise all the time.  Hellboy has that twisted sense of humor one would expect such a being to possess.  The dynamic between he and Liz is so well done, though I am getting rather weary of the “you can’t die, I love you/am pregnant with your child” scenario.  Can’t someone just live because they want to live, not because love brings them back.  Sure love can be a powerful force, but I don’t need it used as a kind of Deux Ex Machina all the time.

I really hope they keep this francise going, though only if they can maintain the integrity of both cast and crew.  I don’t see it working as well with any major changes to either the director of the leading cast.  This movie stepped things up from the first film, something I seem to get from a lot of comic book movies that make it past movie one.  Sophomore films in comic series are better than the first ones, “Dark Knight”, “Spider -Man 2″, are two others that prove this in my opinion.  I hope that it doesn’t go the route of the Spider-Man francise though when it comes to a third movie.  For the mythology geek in me, this movie was a delight, 4 Axes.

it is 1795 and Jane Austen is a strong willed 20 year old woman and coming into her own as a writer.  She is also daring to do the unthinkable for the age, marry a man that she loves.  Her family wants her to marry into wealth, but Jane has her own ideas.

Okay, I am not much of a fan of the romatic film.  Generally I am even less of a fan of a period romantic film.  I am not saying that this was a bad movie.  It was actually a fairly decent movie.  I will admit that I just couldn’t get that into it.  I am starting to see how hard it is to honestly critique something that falls under a genere you are already predisposed to disliking.  I do like Anne Hathaway, even if she is frighteningly thin.  She did a mediocre job as the British Austen.  Her accent seemed to slip her and their, and again I wonder why American actors always seem to get cast in British roles.  We do get to experience the acting greatness that is Maggie Smith.  The rest of the cast is about what I expect from a period film like this.

My biggest complaint with the film has to be the directing.  Some of the shots were so far away you couldn’t really tell what was going on.  There were also numerous sound problems, the dialogue was drownwed out by extraneous noise so you missed what was being said.  I am reminded why I tend to shy away from these films, aside from not being a woman.  Still, I give it 3 Axes.

Amy (Kate Beckinsale) and David (Luke Wilson) are a young couple on the verge of divorce.  After some car trouble they find themselves at an out of the way motel.  Getting the honeymoon suite at no extra charge, they will be doing much more than trying to keep just their marriage alive.

This was an okay horror film.  There is one immediate thing that makes it better than a lot of the current crop of horror flicks, there are no teenagers to be seen anywhere, not even a coed.  This is great.  I think teens tend to ruin what could be good horror movies, the first “Nightmare on Elmstreet” is an exception.  There also isn’t a huge body count.  Well, there is, but most of it is in the past, previous victims of the motel’s macabre crew of snuff film creators.  There are the typical, what are you stupid moments, but I can accept a few of those.  If the people were really smart they would have never checked in to the motel in the first place, and then we would have no movie.  As is also typical of most horror films these days the ending is left with the very real possibility of a sequel, or ten.  All in all, it could have been much worse than it was, 2 1/2 Axes.

This documentary takes a look at the goth culture of America and England.  Goths assemble for a cruise, not exactly what one would normally associate with members of the goth culture.

This is the first representation I have seen that deals with the goth culture in such a positive way.  Sure, there are a few of them that are way out there, but everything doesn’t focus on just them.  The film shows that for many this is part of who they are.  They aren’t just goth, they are also moms and dads, bankers and businessmen.  I was very pleased that the film didn’t go the easy route.  Too often with these films about different subcultures tend to focus on the truly wacky and the most extreme.  It is so nice to see a much more balanced approach to things.

I have always been a bit on the fringe when it comes to goth.  I like some of the music, especially earlier stuff like Siouxsie and the Banshees.  I like some of the themes, the darkness and despair thing not as much, but the culture of the macabre and such very much.  Many of my real life experiences with the goth culture has been negative.  Watching this film, I saw a much more open group, much more welcoming and willing to be who they want to be, without completely shutting out the rest of the world.  It was a fun film for me and rather informative, 3 1/2 Axes.

Sir Francis Drake (Adrian Paul) finds that tensions are just are high as ever with his Spanish nemesis, Captain Don Sandovante.  After being captured and forced into a quest by a Syrian Sultan, Drake finds himself in a race against both time and his old foe.

Did I not just say that I need to stop watching made for tv movies staring the made for tv Highlander?  I don’t know why I punish myself so.  This is better than the previous one, though only marginally.  There was loads of CG, and trust me, it was the high quality one would expect from a made for the Sci-Fi Channel movie.  The basilisk is pretty much the exact same template from the made for Sci-Fi Channel movie “Basilisk”.  Nice that they are interested in recycling.  Adrian Paul wasn’t as bad as he can be in this movie, he plays arrogant and cocky quite well, which is what we are supposed to get from Drake.  Still, even his stellar acting, the great computer effects, and all the exotic locales can’t save a lame duck of a film, 1 Axe.

When English colonists arrive o the island of Roanoake in 1587 they find the fort there desterted.  It doesn’t take log before some of the new colonists begin dying.  Left in charge by his father-in-law, Ananais Dare (Adrian Paul) soon comes to the conclusion that the island is haunted by Norse spirits.  With the help of the only native that they haven’t pissed off or killed, Dare seeks to put the spirits to rest.

I really need to stop watching made for tv movies starring Adrian Paul.  I was mildly amused by the “Highlander” series, but not enough for me to want to see the not so good acting talent of Paul.  Maybe I just can’t separate him from Duncan.  The whole movie was a waste of time.  The people in it were so incredibly stupid that once again I wonder how they lived as long as they did.  The spirits can’t cross water, so here is a novel idea, leave the freakin’ island.  Problem solved, movie over and spirits left to only haunt themselves.  I was actually glad when people died because I felt they deserved it for their immense stupidity.  That was the only redeemable thing about this movie, all the dying, 1/2 Axe.