Naked Hobo

Young Chun-Li (Kristen Krueck) wants to be a concert pianist when she grows up.  Then one night Bison (Neal McDonough) shows up and steals away her father.  Now, years later Chun-Li has achieved her dream.  However, she has also found out that her father is still alive and being held by the evil Bison.  Now she must embark on a quest for justice and to free her father.

Movie based on a video game.  Do I really need to say much more than that?  It wasn’t good.  For a game that had such great fighting, the movies based off of it are really incredibly dull.  The action scenes are boring.  Oh, and there really is nothing similar to the game except for the names of people.  What is it with the Hollywood machine buying rights to things soley for the name?  They do this so often.  Is the Street Fighter name so big that you just had to have it?  And if so, wouldn’t part of that be because people like the actual game, not just the name?  I suppose I’ll have to schedule a few focus groups to get the answer.

Generally if you have a movie with Neal “I’m not Ray Liota” McDonough you are in for a low class non-thrill ride.  He is the modern David Caradine.  We need a guy to play a villian, but it has to be someone people recognize, but no one actually famous, someone we can afford.  I’m not saying he is terrible, just not great, and horribly typecast now.  If I am watching a B-movie made after 1998 and he isn’t the vilaian I am almost disappointed.

There is a part of me that wishes I could just enjoy the awfulsomeness (thanks Randy) that is a movie like this.  I wish I could just look at the pretty lead as she jumps around in tight clothes instead of focusing on her poor acting.  I will admit that there is a small part of me that gets great joy of seeing how bad a movie can be.  I love ripping bad films apart, especially big budget ones (of which this is not).  Maybe I am too harsh of a critic at times, but I think I know suck when I see it, 1 Axe.

Adam (John Cusack) is an unhappy man.  His friends, Lou (Rob Corddry) and Nick (Craig Robinson) aren’t very happy either.  After Lou’s apparent suicide attempt, Adam and Nick decide a trip is in order, so they pack into a car along with Adam’s nephew Jacob (Clark Duke) and head to an old favorite retreat of theirs from the 80’s.  One dip in a not so normal hot tub and the boys find themselves back in 1986.  They now need to decide if they are going to let their lives end up the same way, or are they going to make some changes to the future.

You can’t go into a theater to see a movie called Hot Tub Time Machine and expect something amazing.  Sure, it could turn out to be funny, it could even be a good movie.  I got pretty much about what I expected, an average film.  There were laughs to be had, they just weren’t big laughs and they weren’t all that plentiful.  There was some good 80’s nostalgia, but to be honest there is so much of that going around these days, plus I already have an overabundance of it in my own head.

John Cusack was his typical self, aging guy that is mopey and sad but still always able to get the girl in the end.  Rob Corddry played the asshole friend, something just about everyone has.  Problem with his character is, he was too much of an asshole to really be likable.  Clark Duke is a nerd and a loser, not much else to say about his character.  The best job performance-wise was by Craig Robinson.  He had some of the funniest moments, and he was one of the most believable people (I know, asking a lot from a movie like this).

In the end I felt that this was an okay movie.  I may have had some preconceived notions going in, and that, as always, will skew my perspective.  However, the film was just lacking.  They could have done so much more, maybe cut out a little bit of the puke jokes.  I can’t say I was disappointed, but I can’t say I was pleasantly surprised either, 3 Axes.

The UK Prime Minister is all on board with idea of going to war, siding with long time ally the United States.  However, it seems not everyone is in agreement, US General George Miller (James Gandolfini) and UK Secretary of State for International Development, Simon Foster (Tom Hollander) are two of them.  When the mild mannered Foster accidentally voices support for the war on tv he suddenly finds himself a lot of new friends in Washington DC, as well as the attention of the Prime Minster’s communication chief Malcom Tucker (Peter Capaldi).

This was a fun movie. Peter Capaldi as Malcom Tucker was brilliant.  He plays the aggressive, foul mouthed, communication chief wonderfully, and he steals every scene he is in.  Hollander also does very well as the timid Simon Foster, and Gandolfini is great as the seemingly even-tempered General Miller.  Even the smaller roles are played beautifully, Steve Coogan as the man that simply wants his mother’s retaining wall fixed, little details that add to the development of characters like Foster.

The only real flaw I felt the movie had was the writing.  It isn’t that it was bad, it is actually written very well.  Therein lies the problem, it is written a little too well.  It suffers from the same kind of thing that a Kevin Smith movies does, the dialogue is too crisp, too perfect.  The profanity laden tirades of Malcom Tucker are just too precise.  It makes for a lot of great memorable quotes, (“Climbing the mountain of conflict”? You sounded like a Nazi Julie Andrews).  But, it detracts from the realism of the characters interactions with each other.

This is apparently a spin off from a British series “The Thick of It”.  I now need to find that series amd watch it.  The Brits have such a way of writing that really is fairly unique to them.  If the series is anything like the movie, I know I will enjoy it immensely, 4 Axes.

In order to fulfill a promise to his deceased wife, 78 year old Carl Fredrickson (voiced by Ed Asner) ties thousands of balloons to his house in order to fly it to a waterfall in South America.  A young scout, Russell (Jordan Nagai) stows away on the now flying house.  Upon arrival in South America they come into contact with Dug (Bob Peterson), a talking dog.  Dug’s master, Charles Muntz (Christopher Plummer), has long lived in the area trying to catch an elusive bird.  Thinking Carl is after his prize, Charles sets his pack of dogs after Carl, Russel, and Dug.

Pixar has done it again, proving why they are the kings of animated features.  This film though goes so much further than anything they have done before, not in its animation, but in its story.  This was an amazingly well written and well directed story.  The film runs through almost every emotion imaginable, going from tear inducing sadness to the heights of wonderment and laughter.  Asner is wonderful as the curmudgeony Carl, and the brief bits of life shown with his wife showcase how powerful love can really be.  Seeing Carl experiencing a bit of rebirth is a joy to watch.

Those looking for typical light hearted faire though will find this film a bit more somber.  The film deals with some pretty hefty subject matter, the loss of a loved one, getting old.  So, it is not all laughs and excitement.  This is a real human story (Okay, maybe the balloons flying a house to South America isn’t real).  This has now become my favorite Pixar movie to date, 4 1/2 Axes.

Thor (Zachary Ty Bryan) and his Viking buddies travel to a strange island in search of fame and glory.  Apparently the writers of this decided to ignore that Thor is already a god, along with everyone else on board the ship with him.  Instead Thor is just a warrior guy that has these vivid dreams of a mighty warrior and a big freakin’ hammer.  On the island the Vikings encounter wolf like creatures that only want to kill everyone they see.

Sci-Fi Channel does it yet again, and I have once more subjected myself to the terror of it all.  When the leading man is the eldest son from “Home Improvement” you know you are in for a jam packed action thrill ride.  Whoever wrote this steaming pile of drek should experience the dreaded blood eagle, that’s when you cut the ribs near the spine and pull out the lungs so it looks like wings (look it up, they really did this to people).  The female lead, Freya (Melissa Leigh), is completely unnecessary.  Well, to be honest this entire film is unnecessary.  The acting is below typical B-movie status, this is even worse than a Troma film when it comes to acting.  A lobotomized monkey with an erectile dysfunction is more interesting to watch than the actors in this film.

Seriously, I am a big fan of Norse mythology.  I realize that much of it does not really translate well to the big screen.  However, if you are going to try and do it anyways, please at least make it look like you tried.  Don’t just come up with an idea along the lines of, “Hey, Thor had a hammer and I like werwolves, let’s make a movie.”  If movies were babies, this would make me think abortions weren’t such a bad idea, 1/37 Axes.

After landing in the woods outside a small town, an alien life form takes over the body of Grant Grant (Michael Rooker).  Intent on either impregnating or eating all life on Earth, the alien begins sending out its worm like minions to possess the inhabitants of the town.  It is up to Starla Grant (Elizabeth Banks) and Sheriff Bill Pardy (Nathan Fillion) to stop it.

This is one of those cross-genre films, a horror comedy, or comedy/horror, or horomedy.  I don’t have high hopes for any films that I have never heard of before, and even less hope when said film airs on MTV.  However, I was pleasantly surprised by this movie.  It was by no means a great film, but it was fun and entertaining.  There are nods and homages to many other horror films throughout, “It Came From Within”, “Basketcase”, Toxic Avenger”, to name a few.  You can also see the influence of writer/director Jamess Gunn’s previous work at Troma Films.

Having Nathan Fillion is perfect for this film too.  He plays so well in a role where he is the “hero”, with a bit of a bumbling, kind of stammering quality.  He is just on the verge of cool, but there is still a part of himself that he is uncomfortable with.  I am also of fan of Elizabeth Banks and she does quite well as Starla.  The rest of the cast is full of some folks you will recognize and many more that you won’t.  No complaints here on the acting front.

Now the alien invasion thing, and even more so the aliens taking over people’s bodies, is nothing new.  Still, it seemed to play out well for a rehash of so many other stories.  Those that are a bit squeamish may want to skip out on the film entirely, another obvious sign that Gunn worked for Troma in the past.  Overall, it was a fun popcorn flick, which is what I expect was the intention, 3 Axes for a solid comedic romp through horror and sci-fi.

Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) has a job that keeps him on the road the majority of the year.  He flies all over the country to take care of firing people for other companies that either don’t want to or can’t handle firing people themselves.  When the new girl, Natalie (Anna Kendrick), comes up with a way to fire people over the computer, Ryan finds his comfort zone disrupted.

I like George Clooney, as an actor, we won’t go into personal feelings about Clooney the man.  He is one of those types that tends to always play himself, or at least a facsimile of himself.  Unlike those that fail at this, I’m looking at you Mr. Costner, Clooney is able to do it very well and make it work for both the character as well as the story.  He plays smooth and cool so easily, with just enough smarm to give him that edge without making him too much of an ass.  The rest of the cast is great as well.  Vera Farmiga, Anna Kendrick, they both do fantastic jobs.  Vera as the female version of Clooney’s Bingham, Anna as the ambitious yet still niave Natalie.

While the ending was a bit predictable, at least to me, I can see how it surprised the characters involved.  And again, even lacking any surprise, it still fit the story perfectly.  I think Jason Reitman did a terrific job directing this, his father should be proud that his son will most likely end up better at the craft than he is.  The film flowed so well, and that is a necessity when the bulk of your film is character interaction.  Done wrong, a lot of talking gets boring, but the script and direction provide for an effortless ride through Bingham’s life.

This was one of my favorites of the year, and not simply because of the little bits of Wisconsin that are involved.  I enjoyed it all the way through, it was a great mix of emotions, happy, sad, depressing, uplifting.  I know what I hate, and I don’t hate this, 4 Axes.

Based on the best selling autobiography of Irishman Frank McCourt, “Angela’s Ashes tells the tale of an Irish childhood.   Growing up in Limerick when you are poor was no picnic, and Mr. McCourt gives a vivid picture of the sad times he experienced, along with the good, and he shows what shaped him into the man he would become.

I love the original book.  Yes, the old cliche, the book is better than the movie, but that doesn’t always equate to a bad movie.  This movie is a fantastic journey to an Ireland that you never see in the tourist guides.  This side of Ireland is dank, and bleak, and miserable, and it was a reality for many thousands.  The film is full of characters that you both despise as well as pity.  Frank’s father (Robert Carlyle) is a drunkard, and the things he puts his family through in his search for the next pint is terrible, but he also instilled a great sense of Irish pride in his children.  Frank’s mother (Emily Watson) does some rather unseemly things, but her reasons are just and good, even if a young boy can’t see that.

The cast was supberb, from the main roles, down to the people that seem to flit across the screen almost instantly.  There were many a familiar face for those that have seen their fair share of Irish cinema and television.  The best character of all though would be the city of Limerick itself.  It stands fast as a shadow over everything and it permeates not just the way of life, but the very people themselves.

Frank McCourt has a truly wonderful style of writing, and much of that comes through quite well in the film.  You get a touch of humor here and there, just enough to keep the insanity of misery from overtaking you.  A fantastic film from start to finish, 4 1/2 Axes.

Alice (Mia Wasikowska), now 19, returns to the amazing Wonderland of her childhood, though she doesn’t remember any of it.  As is the norm in Wonderland she meets many interesting characters, the Cheshire Cat (Stephen Fry), ther Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp), and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum (Matt Lucas and Matt Lucas).  The Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter) has seized control of Wonderland from her sister, the White Queen (Anne Hathaway).  Now Alice must defeat the Red Queen’s champion, the Jabberwock to free Wonderland from an oppressive regime.

With any Tim Burton film you at least know you are going to get a visual feast.  This is no exception.  However, you also don’t know if you are going to get a good movie or another “Planet of the Apes”.  This film falls somehwere in between.  Generally Depp works well in Burton films.  The Mad Hatter though, I don’t know, there was just something about him, something I can’t quite place.   The casting in general was good though, how can you go wrong with using Gary Oldman for voice over work.  Christopher Lee as the voice of the Jabberwock, and I have always enjoyed Helena Bonham Carter.  However, no character really seemed to stand out to me, something that can be a problem in any Burton film, characters are overwhelmed by the scenery.

This is probably about the 100th adaptation of Lewis carrol’s story to be brought to film, and perhaps that is part of the problem.  There is so little left to explore here, so few stones that haven’t just been simply over turned, but they have been polished, smashed, and turned into dust.  This may lead you to believe that I really didn’t like the movie, but that isn’t entirely true.  I liked bits of it.  The whole thing together though seems a bit disjointed and leaves you with a feeling as if things were a tad rushed.  I understand that the entire story of Alice in Wonderland is a kids story, well, for the most part it is, but I found at times the film was overly childish.  Maybe I’m just getting old, 3 Axes.

John Joe (Bernard Hill) is an Irish musician preparing for the All_Ireland Ceili finals.  His not so welcome brother Jimmy (Colm Meaney) is coming back to Ireland from Liverpool with some lads to compete as well.  The two brothers will seemingly stop at nothing to win the big prize.

This was a fun and cute little movie, it helps if you like some good Irish tunes.  The presence of Andrea Corr doesn’t hurt either, she is rather nice on the eyes, and rather talented too.  As far as the leads go, I’ve always been a fan of Colm Meaney and Bernard Hill, so I had no disappointments there.  The rest of the cast does an admirable job and everyone seems to mesh well.

I like these light comedies with a bit of a dark undertone to them.  Watching the history of the two brothers unfold is interesting, and I thought the slow reveal was well done without dragging things out for too long.  And again, Andrea Corr is gorgeous.

My only real negative about this movie is that it only makes me feel sad in that I miss Ireland.  I so want to get back, and I really don’t know why I punish myself with movies like this.  Sure, it may not be the perfect representation of Ireland, but it is a fair slice of Irish culture though.  I am biased with these Irish films, so maybe my vote is a little higher than it should be, so accept it or feck off, 4 Axes.